The Bits You Don't Get from Books

If you met me in real life, you'd think I was contending for the'Chattiest Cathy' title on this side of the planet. I am not stretching the truth by any means. You can put me to the test. I'll ramble away quite willingly given any random topic. Politics, the Michael Jackson memorial, Oreo and cream cheesecake, vintage goodies, the weather, holidays, emotional drama, facebook, anything else on the side and everything else in the middle. Let me assure you I am not bragging, simply because most of the time, youll probably correctly guess that I have absolutely zilch knowledge on the aforementioned topic. Yup, I am one of those people. The one never fails to have a story, comment, opinion, etc about every single banana under the sky.

Yep, I am the soulmate you were looking for. :)

Moving on. Today, I volunteered for a free counselling session with the psychology department. I met my therapist and she said it was going to be an exploratory session. Meaning I talk for an hour and a half. 90 minutes. Non-stop. I really didnt think I'd have that much to say, but I did. I recounted eveery sob story in my life, narrated a few short stories from 'A New Earth' , had a chat about Oprah Winfrey and friends (nearly all of them), discussed the inventions of Leonardo Da Vinci (I am as serious as a heart attack!) and a diverse range of other topics.

But today, contrary to my rattling habits, I'll sayI learnt something. I learnt to say 'I feel' instead of 'I think'.I learnt to look for similar patters in my behaviour in the stories I recount. I learnt to voice my heart.

For today, I am thankful.

Any similar eye-openers ladies? Did you read anything that gave u an a-ha moment? A behaviour altering episode? Do share!

Why I Havent Written in a While

I needed the time off. I am not even ready to think of anything at this moment.Ever since the bleak diagnosis, my mind has turned towards little else. I am delving deeper into disbelief, guilt ,shame and an inablility to respond to the current situation. I glanced at my diagnosis sheet 18 days ago and have not gathered the courage to read the whole three pages till now. Everytime a mealtime approaches, I visualise my fatty liver , am instantly disgusted and afraid, yet still am tempted to binge to numb the pain. I manage to resist. Most of the time, at least. I dream of strawberry shortcakes and tiramisu all day long. I sleep to numb pain and thoughts. I have not jogged, walked or performed any form of exercise to counter the problem.

I read inspirational blogs every single day. Mari, the strongest person I have encountered, who despite having unbelievably difficult days, manages to savour and turn each moment into a blessing. Nina, who has the ablity to see beauty in cute mugs, hot summer days, and exercise. Dionne-who is her every reader's sunshine (from what I read in the comments section) and Anu, the spirit who rises up again after every blow thrown her way. All of you, I salute and honour you.

What baffles and defeats me every day is my inability to draw from your strengths. I hope I will soon.