Are You Smarter than a 2 Week Newbie?

Believe it or not, I'm down-to-the-bone tired from a yoga class I participated in 2 hours ago. Yes, you read me right. It is not the morning after. Its not even half a day after. It is now officially 2 hours after class. How is this even possible? My body is either screaming out in pain after years of inactiveness or it is burning so much fat so fast, every part of my body is aching. I'm preferring to believe the latter. I am completely aware there isn't an ounce of logic aboard this train of thought but hey, I am completely content with the delusion. Still, Im pretty excited about the class and so decided to impart some not so useful pieces of advice from the vastly experienced (2 weeks, baby! ) for the perfectly uninitiated candidate. And for those who need a laugh.


Wear an extraordinarily tight top or get tops which reach up to your neck. I am not joking. My fantasies dictated I wore uber cool yoga outfits meant for size zeros that emphasised every sexy curve and hid every patch of cellulite. So I went shopping. I had an excuse. I spent $600 on the outfits and attended my very first class last week. As I thrashed about trying to strike a pose, I realised my low cut top was exposing my front torso and my boobs were hanging out in plain view for public perusal. And some people perused. No kidding. I returned everything I bought and mumbled something about the outfits not fitting my purpose to the salesgirl.


Bottle up gallons of water.And pack 2 towels. For a seemingly low impact exercise, I was sweating a bucket . I was dripping off areas I thought werent humanly possible. Also, heres the true tip. The first towel is to wipe all that sweat off, the second towel, however, is the tool to fast track and appear like an expert without suffering a ridiculous outfit. Oh, come on, stop rolling your eyes. They ALL do it.


Next, roll out your mat at the front of the class. I hate to admit this, but I am a teachers pet. And I am in denial about this. I completely took advantage of the newbie privileges and positioned myself right in front of the instructor last week. I learnt a fair bit. This week, to appear non-teachers pet-ish, I rolled out my mat in the middle and towards the window. Honestly, as genuine as my efforts were to completely focus, I was completely distracted by the yummy aroma wafting through from the Chinese restaurant across the street. Although, second confession, I still had a wicked time guessing the dish of the minute whilst I was supposedly meditating;);)


And finally, do not try bend in any direction that you're not comfortable with. Even though I was attending the beginners class, there were some pretty complex pretzel like positions we were required to writhe into. To cut a long story short, I nearly sprained my foot. Lesson learnt. Lesson passed on.:):)


So there you have it, people. My two weeks worth of very handy tips for anyone who will listen/read. So are any of you proud owners of interesting yoga/exercise stories or tips? Do share!