Monday, March 16, 2009

Cat Fights on Different Levels

I am terrified of conflicts. To illustrate, here's a story.Two cats which live in my neighbourhood, constantly fight each other. They are adorable creatures by themselves, but when they meet, they are as fierce as tigers. I'm not joking. They literally engage in face offs, tear each others skins off but mainly try and murder each other. Like I said, serious business. Every time I walk up/down my street, I pray to a higher power so we dont cross paths. Such is my fear of confrontations. Cat confrantations included.

I shy away from confrontations, mainly because I despise having tension in the room. I need life to be a party. Like happy days, every day. There are many issues in my life that I have learnt to ignore or simply let go because of this.

My weight has been an easy target for jokes or comments from my family for more than 18 years. Like I do not kid you, every 4 minutes, and its time to comment on Dash's weight. I never really confronted anyone or told them it was mean and hateful all along. I never was going to anyway. All was going well.

Yesterday, as my siblings and I were watching Biggest Loser on tv, my older sister passed a comment that it was going to be REALLY difficult for me to lose weight, as not only was I fat, I was lazy.

Cue Dash. After 18 years, I blew up. The rage I held in for too long burst out and I let her know that she was being rude and arrogant, and that it was not nice in ANY country to spit out hateful comments. Which was more than enough for her to blow up. She told me she was sick of me being fat and being an embarassment to her. Long story short, the fight went on for about an hour.

I regret the manner I told her how I felt, but strangely I am overjoyed that I let it out after so many years. I am overjoyed that I stood up for myself, for once. I wasn't going to be bullied so we all live in pretend Utopia.

I dont know how to deal with this. She sees her taunting as motivation for me to lose the weight. Even though she has been told otherwise. In my opinion, its a bad habit she is defending so she will not have to deal with it.

But I suppose I have to learn to deal. She is not about to change her principals, so I guess it has to be me.

Ah, to be siblings, yet still SANE!


naturally nina said...

Oh dash, I am sorry this happened. But boy can I relate! This exact thing has happened to me too. :( It's hard but it does help in the long run... Anger is such a tough thing but I do find that by expressing it in the (icky) moment, I always feel better. Hang in there!

Paul Pincus said...

gosh, what an amazing post!

your OLDER sister is just one of those bitches. i suspect she's jealous of you ... of your outlook and views on life. i think it's important to fight back ... to stand up for yourself! you may not believe this, but i'm sure she has always been jealous of you and unhappy with who she is.

start putting yourself first ALWAYS and take solace in knowing that when you do things only get better and better and better : )

i would love to ask your sister why she feels the need to share all of that negativity.


Paul Pincus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul Pincus said...

ps you're an excellent writer.

Miracle said...

oh dash.. I am sorry this happened as well.. BUT I know exactly how you feel. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. I am learning that the only way to get them to shut up is to tell them what i need them to do to support me. Or.. if I am not in a place that I am ready to lose weight to just leave me alone and love me anyway because them bugging me just makes me wanna go for Ben and Jerry's. Sometimes it is nice to let your true feelings out. (((HUGS)))

Dash said...

Nina: thanks nina, i feel much better already now that i know im not the only one. And ure right, expressing anger at the right time is key. It is not worth holding on to.

Paul: I will definitely work on putting myself first (lesson learnt the hard way!),and honouring myself much more!

Miracle: Thank you for those kind words. Gosh, i do know what u mean about the constant bugging sending you right out for ice cream! Im exactly the same! And thank you for the words of advice, will definitely try it out!

naturally nina said...

You are so sweet, thanks for your amazing comment today. :)

Dionne said...

I started out laughing at your cute little intro at the psycho dueling cats, and then at the end of this post, I wanted to punch your sister out! The nerve of some people! You are right though, you can't change other people, but good for you with facing confrontation and saying how you feel!